Have you ever been attached to someone, something, or an idea that you can’t let go of? It seems that no matter how hard you try different scenarios of what could have happened keeps playing over and over in your mind.

I received notice in the mail that one of my rental properties was being foreclosed upon. At this point in the foreclosure process there was nothing I could do except go to the auction and bid on the house in hopes of buying it back. However, the small problem that I had was lack of liquid cash to bid on the house or pay-off the initial debt.

For weeks I couldn’t let go of losing the house. Different scenarios of what could have been done differently to manage the house better played in my mind. I thought of different rental strategies to implement, marketing strategies, accounting woes I could have avoided, and so on and so on. In other words, I thought of all the things I could have done better from the mistakes I made. The irony or paradox of the whole thing was that I wouldn’t have known what I could have done better unless I made the mistakes in the first place.

Then, I got to thinking and questioning why I was so attached to something completely out of my control. What’s done is done and there’s nothing I could do about it. Hanging on to the mental baggage from the foreclosed home would only suck the life out of me.

I thought of a time when I was able to easily let go of something: the pain of running a marathon. If you ever ran a marathon, you know what I’m talking about when it comes to pain. My first marathon run was a living hell and yet one of the best experiences of my life. It rained the whole five hours that it took me to complete the marathon. And, on top of that I "bonked" between miles 14 and 19, in which my body shut down and went into "puke awareness" mode. I must of drank too much damn Gatorade and didn’t eat enough because my body was fully trained and capable. One small oversight and lack of body awareness can throw the whole marathon experience in the opposite intended direction.

[Alight, where am I going with this? Oh ya, here we go...]

Finally, I met my mother and she said, "You look like you’re going to puke." Thanks Mom, could have done without that comment. However, her 15+ years of marathon experience shined through in the perfect moment and she cured my sickness with sugar cream wafers and a muffin. My Uncle tried to give me beer, which was tempting, but I knew that one sip of beer would mean a failed marathon attempt.

My recovery got me back on track and I finished the marathon an hour and thirty minutes later. It was a victorious run and the most pain I ever put my mind and body through. You could classify it as the best/worst experience, ever.

When the next day rolled around I thought I was going to be in tremendous amounts of pain. However, to my surprise I felt great. I even considered going for a run. Crazy? Yes. Once I got past the thought of going for a run, yesterday’s marathon seemed as if it never happened. Why didn’t I think about the marathon anymore? I thought. How could I let go of the marathon so easily after I’ve invested four months of frost-biting winter cold training and five hours of straight running in the freezing rain?

I could let go easily because the choice of running the marathon was in my control.

The Antidote

It’s easier to let go of something or someone when you consciously choose it in the first place. The marathon was something that I wanted to do and add to my bucket list. I knew of the potential consequences running a marathon had in store for me- long hours of running, temperamental weather conditions, and complete body rejection or injury.

However, having my first rental property foreclosed upon was not an intended choice. I didn’t consider both polarities of having a real estate rental business and the intended outcome was out of my control; therefore, I suffered. It took me a very long time (a few months) to officially let go of all the mistakes I made that led to the foreclosure.

Sometimes the only antidote for letting go of something or someone is to willingly carry the suffering.

Letting Go

The popular approach for ending suffering is to resist it. This means that when something negative out of your control happens to you, you feed it energy by denying, rationalizing, adding judgment or criticism, or fighting against the negative situation.

For example, when I received the letter of intent to foreclose on my rental property, I immediately reacted to the situation and became fearful. I went into mental lock-down mode and imagined all the bad things that might happen to me- being broke, negative credit score, being homeless, and yes, I even played the scenario of going to jail. I then began to further resist the situation by denying that the foreclosure was even happening and swept it under the rug hoping it will never come out again.

My reaction to the foreclosure was a huge mental, emotional, and physical tax. I felt the urge to recoil and hide myself from loved ones and society out of shame. I remember waking up many times in the middle of night worrying about the next day and not having enough money.

Guess what? It’s all an illusion made up by thoughts that I chose to believe in. Crazy, isn’t it? But thoughts rule most peoples lives.

The way out of this circle of dysfunction is to realize that you are not willing to let go and are attached to the situation. Then, be okay with the situation and be willing to carry the suffering.

You could say, "Well, this is what is. I have no choice and I’m willing to carry this burden. Why? Because any thoughts that I add on to the situation doesn’t make ‘what is’ any different, only the potential to make it worse." I suggest that you even write out your commitment on paper to carry your suffering.

This approach isn’t going to fly with the popular law of attraction and personal growth industry. Those teachings want you to change your thoughts and visualize the outcome you desire. However, as I stated in the last article, relying on your thinking mind to change your life is futile because it’s the identification with the thinking mind that’s causing the problems in the first place. In other words, it would be like trying to solve a problem in your life situation by creating another problem as its solution. In the end, you still have a problem.

What I can tell you through experience is that eventually your willingness to carry the suffering transmutes into acceptance. Awareness is important to embody to consciously carry whatever it is you cannot let go of. Without awareness, you are identified with suffering and make it part of yourself. At least when you admit and encourage yourself to carry the suffering, you are aware of it.

When you consciously choose something or someone and are initially okay with the situation, you’ll have an easier time letting go and accepting the situation if it goes wrong because the choice was in your control. However, when you choose something or someone without considering both polarities and the outcome is out of your control, it will be very hard to let go of that situation. The key is to realize that you’re not willing to let go mental, emotionally, and/or physically, and choose to willingly carry the suffering. Eventually, your willingness will payoff and what you were not able to let go of will transmute into acceptance.

"A Camel would much prefer to walk 600 miles across the desert without anything attached to its back. But it still carries the human-being because it doesn’t have a choice in that moment. I’m sure the Camel is reluctant to carry anything across the desert in the blazing heat. And, at first, it may show that resistance by being disobedient. However, the Camel eventually chooses to carry the suffering and the burden of the human-being on its back. The Camel becomes obedient and does its job with perfection by delivering the human safely and on-time. Initially what was suffering transmuted into acceptance for the Camel. It let go of any attachment and resistance to the journey and became fully present accepting each moment of the process. The Camel became Enlightened.

Be the Camel and you’ll be Enlightened."